| Heroics
For Beginners by John Moore pub: Ace. 245 page paperback.
Price: $ 6.99 (US), $ 9.99 (CAN). ISBN: 0-441-01193-4 check
out website: www.penguin.com
Unknown to some, there are fairy-tale kingdoms, twenty
in all, located at the edge of an ancient and primitive land, full of magic and
mystery. In one of those kingdoms, Deserae, the competition to win the hand in
marriage of Princess Rebecca is rudely interrupted by the discovery that the King's
Ancient Artefact (model 7) has been stolen by the Evil Overlord, Lord Voltmeter
(he who must be named).
Following royal protocol and rules, the King decides
to send the most qualified of the princes and knights at the competition to Voltmeter's
Fortress of Doom in order to defeat him and regain the talisman. Of course, if
Lord Logan succeeds without being killed first, he will return to Deserae to marry
Rebecca. But Becky's a modern kind of princess and is already seeing Prince Kevin
Timberline of Rassendas (son of King Eric the Cool). 
Upon
finding 'The Handbook of Practical Heroics' by Robert S. Taylor (whose other books
include 'The Handbook of Practical Fly-Fishing' and 'The Handbook of Practical
Gardening'), Kevin decides there is only one solution: He must travel to the village
of Angst, sneak into the Fortress of Doom, stop Voltmeter's Diabolical Plan, recover
the Ancient Artefact before Logan, save his reputation and marry the girl he loves.
Perhaps finding a name along the way and, of course, saving the people
of Angst. And so he does just that. Becky, however, still being a very modern
kind of princess, is not prepared to stay in the castle and wait for him. Instead,
she disguises herself as the Comic Sidekick, as every hero has one. Fortunately,
she can't tell a joke to, literally, save her life. But that's just the beginning
of their problems. Once in the castle they meet Valerie - Evil Assistant
with a strange liking for leather and whips, Stan - overqualified chief minion
and Laura - obligatory scientist's daughter. Will they destroy the Device? Will
Kevin ever be preferred over Lord Jack Logan? And most importantly, will they
actually buy something from the Fortress' gift shop? If you've ever
wondered about the career path of an Evil Overlord (beginning with being an Evil
School-teacher), about why old castles and fortresses have so many ventilation
shafts and visitors must always exit through the gift shop, why the Evil Assistant
is always young and attractive, the mad scientist always reverses the polarity
on an extremely complex piece of technology and the real way to be a fairy-tale
hero, then 'Heroics For Beginners' is for you. Moore has succeeded
in combining humour, spoof and clichéd in-jokes with something resembling
a plot and characters that are actually three-dimensional underneath their two-dimensional
parts. Fun and clever, 'Heroics For Beginners' will appeal to fantasy fans who
want something a bit different. He uses the conventions of fantasy heroics in
order to break them as well as obviously have some fun with them, resulting in
an entertaining if not terribly intricate read. But be warned, you may
never consider a Fortress of Doom in quite the same way again!
Laura
Kayne
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