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Dark Lords of the Sloth Strike Expected shortly … the biggest worker skive in Europe since the introduction of Dilbert.com's random mission statement generator onto the web. What's the beef? Well a nasty rash of Phantom Menanceitus is being predicted to sweep the planet. More contagious than Chinese flu, this dreadful disease has a set of terrible and debilitating effects. The patient first experiences a strange longing to be away from the workplace, then they are driven to seek out a place of extreme darkness - often in the company of many other diseased individuals. Their symptoms may then only be alleviated by flickering lights against a screen, the smell of popcorn, and the sight of wild pod races across the Tatooine sands. How to stop this terrible modern day plague from striking down your workforce? The more enlightened employers in the USA - Apple Computer and publisher Ziff Davis for instance - have been organising advance after work trips to the Phantom Menace, with jedi-themed slap-up feeds afterwards, in a bid to halt the disease. For those who don't plan to take such preventative measures to keep their workers happy? May we recommend www.manpower.com for all your sick staff stand-in needs. Either that or make sure your reception's security team is hired from the Dark Lords of the Sith, and they can use their light sabres to weld shut the doors of the lift the night before the premiere.
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OTHER NEWS - june '99
Copyright
Menace of the Phantom Variety? Trek
Fans trounced by Movie Troubles Hair
today, in an Alien Zoo Tomorrow Not
a perfume, but a Desert Planet! Dark Lords of the Sloth Strike
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