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Bugbears Of The Grammatical Kind
02/08/2008 . Source: Geoff Willmetts 
We all have bugbears, says Uncle Geoff. Things that crawl under your skin and nag at you to say something when something is clearly wrong. They can range from simple to complex things and you often wonder why they don't bother other people or if they do why aren't there more complaints. One of his tends to be grammar and punctuation, an occupational hazard mostly because I deal with it all the time. Hello everyone
We all have bugbears. Things that crawl under your skin and nag at you to say something when something is clearly wrong. They can range from simple to complex things and you often wonder why they don't bother other people or if they do why aren't there more complaints. Equally, simply doing things the right way around can alter some things and, hopefully, people learn by example than direct criticism.
One of mine tends to be grammar and punctuation, an occupational hazard mostly cos I deal with it all the time. I don't go into angst over it. As an editor, a lot of it is easy to correct or as I succulently replied to someone else a few years back, it's easier to hit the perpetuator in the proverbial balls, hope they learn from the experience and a bigger hope it all sinks in. The fact that its propagating also means not enough hands are raising to argue that the wrong choices are being made and there's a real need to check over textbooks on them. None of which is helped on the Internet where there is a multi-national population. Saying that, most basic grammar and punctuation is pretty basic and logical the world over, especially if you're prepared to listen to what you write.
Probably one of the most common ones I see is the confusion between 'either' and 'neither' both in amateur and even professional publications. All right, so this isn't either punctuation or grammar but it does demonstrate that we are all actually speaking the same English language even if you're not paying attention to what you're saying. Both 'either' and 'neither' sound reasonably alike but it isn't just the 'n' that differs them as their meanings are different. 'Either' is one of two choices. 'Neither' means none of the choices. Consequently, writers not listening to their own words tend to use the wrong word. It's a nuisance but a good way to tell who's paying attention to the page when they write.
Another significant problem that is developing owes a lot more to word processor spell-checkers and how they deal with compound words. They don't see any difference with them having or not having a hyphen in them. They do actually contain both but if you drop the hyphen it won't tell if you've made a mistake. The most useful reason to keep using the hyphen is to stop the letters running into each other. It can stop the problem of 'recreation' which is a hobby to 're-creation' which is to re-make something. I should point out that 'remake' isn't exactly a single word but a compound word of 're-make'. Is 'overall' a protective jump-suit or 'over all' means in its entirety. In the latter case you don't even need a hyphen just the recognition that it is actually two words. It's a similar problem to people not recognising that 'alright' should be split into two words as 'All right'. The English language might be slowly changing but it doesn't mean its all for the good or even better for it, especially when it looses clarity in the rush or beholden to an automated spell-checker.
Another thing that is developing rather too much these days is ending and starting the next sentence with the same word. I doubt if you would talk that way but it's also poor sentence structuring. From an editing perspective, it's a lot easier to save a few words and merge them into a single sentence or if it's a noun, use a 'He' or 'She' to start the next sentence as you've already established whom you're talking about. Oddly enough, the reader seeing such repetition between two sentences actually skips that part of the sentence anyway so it becomes a futile gesture meaning you might as well have done it right from the start.
In a similar way, starting sentences, outside of dialogue, with 'And'. The reader doesn't really read the 'And' and invariably the next word is probably stronger anyway. If anything, it sounds like how a small child talks as they contemplate what to add next to their speech ie 'And I did this. And then I did that.' If you put 'I did this. Then I did that.' It tends to look stronger on the page.
Word Processor spell-checkers weren't created to be bright just point out words that might be mis-spelt and leave the final decision to the user. They don't understand the context the word was written in. If they were that bright, they could write their own stories. They are slaves to offer guidance and point out potential mistakes to the writer not dictate what words to use. The final decision has to be left to the writer whom I hope has sufficient interest and working knowledge of the English language to check a dictionary for meaning let alone variance in how a word is spelt. If the spell-checker doesn't have the word or a variant spelling, it does have an 'Add' command to allow you to add to your personal dictionary.
The same could be said of grammar checkers. Bet you thought I'd forgotten that, didn't you? With the early versions of Word, they contained a scoring system to show how your grammar skills were doing. It was also contradictory. On one hand it didn't like the use of passive sentences yet if you didn't include them your overall grammar skill got marked down. Just goes to show that things are contrary and confusing unless you apply some personal judgement and common sense to how useful it is to pay attention to them.
I find the same thing with the so-called Harvard or serial comma and the placing a comma before 'and' in a sentence. There are very few instances where that's ever needed and even the definition stresses its only supposed to be used to avoid ambiguity not used all the time because you're not sure if it should be there or not. However, if you apply the normal reading technique of a brief pause whenever there is a comma in a sentence you could well end up sounding like Captain Kirk. Whether that is a good thing or not I'll leave you to contemplate. When it's done with 'or' as well you do start wondering if anyone has bothered to look up a book on basic grammar or actually spoken the sentence aloud to hear how it sounds. The examples on the Net I found demonstrated poor sentence structure and its use could easily have been sorted had a different arrangement of words had been found.
The comma is principally there to indicate an aside of detail. You hear a professional actor, they'll either pause briefly or change the tone of their voice to indicate this. You can feel it's a comma. You also know when the sentence ends because that's when they take a breath. If you're left gasping for air at full stops all the time then your sentence lengths are far too long. If you want to speed up the pace of a paragraph then you shorten the lengths of the sentence. You then read. Much. Much. Faster.
Should I talk about semi-colons? In for a penny, in for a pound. It's a bugbear hat needs to be shared. Outside of writing a list, the proper use of a semi-colon is adding a little extra detail to the end of a sentence about its subject matter not as an alternative to using a comma which is what I've heard some people do cos they want a change. As with the last paragraph, if they didn't use so many commas there wouldn't be a need to think that way. I'm still waiting for someone to explain to me how a semi-colon can be used in a character's dialogue. Do you talk with semi-colons? People generally speak in shorter sentences cos there's a necessity to breath which you do at a full stop. The use of punctuation gives control of how the reader digests the story or article and should be seen as a tool that needs to be used properly.
This doesn't mean all your sentences should be short. If anything, length varies as to what is being said and it adheres to the basic rule of not over-loading a sentence simply cos humans can't digest all the information at a sitting. Little things like this are part of an unspoken set of rules between writer and reader. The brain is essentially trained to absorb information when the full stop appears. If the sentence rambles on more than three lines something is going to be missed and the eye becomes tired. Good journalists use the technique. Look at their prose. It can appear like a machine gun when you read it. Something has happened. This is who did it. Fact. Fact. Fact. Of course, the technique can make you accept falsehoods as real simply because that's how your brain absorbs information.
If you get the opportunity to read a book on speed-reading it's well worth a perusal because it actually shows how these hidden rules work. The start of any sentence tells you what the subject is and the rest provides the detail. Consequently, you just read the opening bits and let your head fill in the gaps. I'm not sure I'd recommend doing this all the time because you would miss the beauty of how sentences are structured and what the writer is doing with them if they write well. You might also miss a lot of the subtle detail and information.
Then there is the misuse of 's'. When you have words like 'scissors' which comes equipped with an 's' already, it looks a little absurd to have 'scissors's' which is why we British just use the apostrophe. Leaving the 's' in, the word phonetically becomes 'scissorses' which sounds a lot like 'sausages'. You wouldn't say 'sausageses' neither, come to that. There is a difference. Try eating a pair of scissors. If it applies to this one example then it should apply to all words ending in 's' and even the odd word that ends in 'z'. You're not creating a new word just a little acknowledgement that the 's' is repeated without showing it.
None of this should ever indicate that I regard myself as perfect. I've made the odd faux pas myself in the past and learnt from it but clarity in writing strengthens what you have to say. Change for change's sake serves little purpose and I've been polite about the American obsession with changing the spelling of words, especially 's' to 'z' but that's a different story.
Take heed because if you ever have aspirations to become a pro-writer, you'll be stopped at the opening gate if the submissions editor sees you can't use punctuation correctly.
Thank you, take care, good night, be safe and don't be a slave to your word processor's spell or grammar functions without understanding why.
Geoff Willmetts
editor: SFCrowsnest.co.uk
A Zen thought: Punctuation gives control of how people read your writing. Make it too complicated or hard-going and they might not read as well as they should.
A Zen thought: A reader can read a sentence and feel there is something wrong with it, an editor has to figure out what is wrong and do something about it.
Written comment: The Daleks owe most of their flight movement to CGI. We don't let the real ones we hold captive over here out of their cage. You don't think we made them up, do you?? Nasty buggers!
Another real Zen thought but this time for potential writers: If you can express an opinion independently of others and aren't likely to bend to the masses then you might show potential as a writer.
Zen for those who are scared by all the instructions below: Many of the instructions are things you should be doing automatically if you're developing your writing skills. If you do them already then focus on the ones that you don't get right. They are there to help you as much as me to get the best writing from you. If you think you're 80% there then I'll help you get the final 20%. Trust me, I'm an editor and I can get things right.
BOOK REVIEWS
Do you love books?
Do you like curling up and reading a book?
Do you have a preference for fantasy, SF or horror?
Do you find it the greatest pastime you have next to being on your computer?
Are you very vocal about what you like and don't like in what you read?
Would you like to share your thoughts with others about books?
Would you like an endless supply of books to do this with?
Do you live in the UK?
Can you spare an hour every day?
Would you want something to do rather than watch the bad weather?
If you've been nodding your head up to this point then link in below and see if you have what it takes to be a reviewer at SFCrowsnest. If you have that special knack to read and write or want to develop said skill then the only way you're going to find out is to take the plunge yourself rather than wait for others to do it first. Reading a lot of books is a requisite for any writer. Being able to say what makes them good or bad hones your own skills. Even if you're just happy with reading with a little writing on the side then this might be for you. It's got to be better than waiting for the sun to come out in this weird summer. It's also amazing how much you can read in an hour a day.
If you've survived this far in the editorial, let me reiterate something from the website newsletter and the above editorial. As you can see from the main page, we have one of the biggest SF/fantasy/horror monthly reviews columns on the Net. Our success has increased the number of books that comes in and our policy is to read everything and give it a road test before giving a review so you have some idea of what you're letting yourself in for. You want the bottom line about what you're going to choose to read. That means we need people actually willing to read the book and tell others they're opinion in reviews. For that, we're always on the outlook for more reviewers.
Do you think you have what it takes to review a book? It's a skill that can be easily mastered and we need a few more. If you love fantasy, we have more than enough to keep you busy for instance.
Apart from the ability to put words into sentences, you also need to know how to précis, do a little research on associated subjects and can express opinions constructively about the good and bad points about the books you read. We even let you choose from our pile of received books rather than foster something on you that you wouldn't normally read. You'll even get a little editorial help in how to write good copy and that can always lead to other things. I'm not as scary as I sound editorially and its better to do the test review and see how you fare than not attempt to see how well you did. I did say you have to love books and willing to read beyond your favourite authors, didn't I?
If you like reading books in the genre and can average two or three a month, can really think and show you can write a decent review and, most importantly, live in the British Isles (sorry, expense, time and distance travelled mostly prohibits elsewhere), then use the link below and see our requirements. We can't pay you but a review for the price and regular supply of new books, this has to be a good incentive to see if you have what it takes.
Do you think you're up to writing a review? If you think you can, then you're really going to think you've landed your hands in the biscuit tin. It won't hurt to try and see if you have the right stuff by sending me a sample review to show me you can write. If you want an added incentive, it can also be good for your CV.
Look up the Review Guidelines by linking here: with a press of a mouse button.
SHORT STORY SLUSH PILE
We always have an interest in short stories which can be anything from one to thirty or so pages long. We're always willing to give short story writers a chance to be seen if they can withstand my scrutiny even if we can't pay for their efforts, your material will be seen by a lot of people. If you can get a short story written well then it'll make it easier to move up to novel-length.
Look up the Short Stories Link by linking here with your mouse.
FLASH OR ONE-PAGE FICTION
We've also a teaching ground of one page stories, so check out the rules elsewhere on the website. It's far too easy to just write and write and hope something good comes out of it. What writing a one page story does is test your ability to control your word count and still tell a story in a concise way. This doesn't mean we don't accept stories of different lengths - a short story can be anything up to 30-40 pages long after all - but opens up the means for really short stories from ideas that don't need as much space.
Flash fiction stories by linking here: with your mouse.
NOVEL-LENGTH SAMPLES IN THE FIRST INSTANCE
For those keeping track, I'm actually now caught up but don't tell everyone as I'm undecided as to whether to keep looking at novel-length story samples, move over specifically to short stories - which we do anyway for the website - or get a couple of my own book projects completed. The latter, I still intend to do anyway.
They are there to help you do some of the right things and reduce the number of times I'm repeating myself over silly grammatical errors and spelling mistakes that you shouldn't be making if you're serious about becoming a writer. It makes editing a lot easier if any editor has less work pointing out poor English which you should have been sorted out in the first place and more focused on other areas of your work that deal with plot and the other serious elements of storywriting. As a writer, it is your command of the English language and its grammar that will show how serious you are about writing.
There might not be much of a wait unless I get a deluge, however those sending in ebook samples, please read the Guidelines by linking here with your mouse here or through the bottom line menu on the opening page of the SFC website.
EVERYTHING YOU WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT WRITING BUT AFRAID TO ASK
General advice for those who want to become writers of any sort: There's an old editorial adage, if you can't aim for perfection why should an editor nurse-maid you to that state? Nominally, my job is to catch minor glitches not total mishaps. If you're a writer, then you should understand the words, sentences and grammar of the job you're supposed to be writing or are you considering it as mundane and boring as any other job to get right? Fall in love with making every sentence the best you're ever written, read up and understand the rules of grammar. Put the time in researching any subject you're using in the story. Be prepared to put a story away for a few weeks and go back to it for a self-edit. Even I do that. You look good. I make you look better but you have to start off with good.
A lot of the time, errors will just stare you in the face when you didn't see them the first time round. Once you know where your weaknesses are, they can be sorted out and allow you to move a little higher up the ladder towards making your material look its best and more importantly, getting your material seen by readers.
The link here will show you the Common Problems Link page and what I see mostly with your mouse. It's the smart writer who doesn't get caught out with these.
Good luck. Geoff
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