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The Eye (Frank's take)
01/03/2008 . Source: Frank Ochieng 
The cornea-deprived caper The Eye, notes Frank, definitely sports a blurry vision in the meager horror B-movie sweepstakes. Co-directors David Moreau and Xavier Palud ("Them") oversee this flaccid fright fest that is a rudimentary remake of the twin Pang Brothers' Hong Kong blistering horror show of the same name. Although the Pangs displayed a convincing eerie atmosphere in their original nail-biter about sadistic senses, the Moreau-Palud combo merely scratches the bare surface and never revisits the mouth-watering chill factor that manifests so potently in the Asian original. Buy The Eye in the USA - or Buy The Eye in the UK  Suffice to say is that 2008's lackluster American version of The Eye never sees clearly in its search for doomsday enlightenment.
Screenwriter Sebastian Gutierrez (pro: "Snakes on a Plane"/con: "Gothika") pieces together a synthetic snoozer that never challenges the unpleasantness of scraping your fingernails on the professor's chalkboard. Inherently staid and uneventful, The Eye never capitalizes on its curvaceous cutie in the form of the movie's leading asset Jessica Alba.
Curiously, the filmmakers hardly take any opportunity to exploit the sultry star's busty bodily boundaries-something that would have at least given this mediocre macabre movie its winning element of titillation and terror. The fact that the exploitative body part-the eyes-may certainly underwhelm fanboys looking to embrace an uncharacteristically clothed Alba in a dreary and droopy boofest. Featuring a covered-up pensive Alba in a thinly throbbing thriller makes as much sense as serving cheeseburgers to devout vegetarians.
Sydney Wells (Alba) is an accomplished blind concert violinist. After so many years of being trapped in perpetual darkness, Sydney finally experiences the gift of sight courtesy of a tricky cornea operation she's been awaiting for quite some time. The surgical miracle has finally restored her damaged eyes but the thought remains the following: is Sydney's new eyeballs really considered "fixed" at this point?
It's questionable as to where the ominous imagery is stemming from with Sydney's newly formed peepers. In fact, the classical musician experiences the haunting visions of fire-breathing dead people (okay folks...insert your obvious The Sixth Sense jokes here in this space). When shadowy figures aren't bursting into flames then Sydney's witnessing how these unidentified burning blurs are being snatched away from other creepy sources.
Poor Sydney...no one believes her nightmarish nonsense as provided by her preposterous pupils. Her sister (Parker Posey) has some skepticism about Sydney's spooky visual mumble jumble. Also, Dr. Paul Faulkner (Alessandro Nivola) is bewildered by Sydney's proclamation of bizarre sightseeing incoherence. Still, this doesn't stop the good ole eye doc from checking out the rest of his well-packaged, perplexed patient. The predictable coupling of Dr. Faulkner and Sydney probably will be the closest thing to a so-called paper-thin romance in the middle of this middling madness.
How will Sydney continue to deal with her menacing and malfunctioning eyes? Can the mystery be solved behind whose deceptive eyeballs that Sydney struggles with so skittishly? Will the hellish crisis behind Sydney's optical disillusionment give her clues as to who is responsible for her problematic peepholes?
Danny and Oxide Pang maintained a sleepy exhilaration when helming the original installment that exuded stylistic impishness and an unassuming, terrifying tendency that was skillfully stationary. Unfortunately for Moreau and Palud, their sluggish rendition basically is as a stillborn affair that hangs its hat on false jittery vibes. Routinely, The Eye trudges along in unexcitable fashion and never quite distinguishes itself from the organ-sporting creepshows of yesteryear ("The Hand" and "Blink" come to mind).
There's no doubt that Alba is one of the most young and radiant actresses working the cinema circuit today. Her cinematic selections in pointless popcorn pics have been sketchy at best but no one can deny her aesthetic potential as a transfixing tart. In this particular vehicle, Alba is stiff and as convincing as lawn furniture made out of cardboard.
The mundane material restricts her commodity as a triumphant tease therefore taking out any guilty pleasure that this feverish flick needs desperately. Granted one should give Alba credit for playing it straight but nothing registers here as she underplays an embattled heroine going through the goofy goosebump motions.
This Eye is in immediate need of a creative blindfold.
Frank Ochieng
© Frank Ochieng 2008
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