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Job By Degree
01/11/2007 . Source: Geoff Willmetts 
A short story by GF Willmetts. I followed the advice, saved some money and bought a degree. Easy over the Internet. No arduous years at a university, although it means missing out on the drink and drugs. Instead, send a cheque and after six weeks you get a couple neat candy strip ties, a frat-ring and a nifty diploma saying you have a degree. They even sent a JPG that you can paste your face under a mortar board and above a gown set in the university grounds. Authentic or what?
I can suffer a temporary loss in money from labour jobs until I rise up through the ranks of big pay white-collar work. Seems like everyone else has had the same idea. The degree is the lowest entry level now. I might buy a couple doctor degrees although that might mean I'd have to say smart things or use longer words. Have to be some flashy subjects that few will know what questions to ask about. Even that's minimal. It isn't what they are but what they represent that counts. It's the degree that gets you the job. Any white-collar job! They smile sweetly when they realise you're a man of letters even if they are semi-literate as to what exactly they mean.
So I work my way down the job list. If there's the magic word 'degree' then I apply. Who cares what it is as long as I'm in and on the ladder for riches. I could be running a department in a couple of years.
Looks like we all have degrees these days and companies are ignoring them and looking at the personality as well. A beaming yes-man smile willing to do anything helps. Yes sir, I did a self-help for dummies book on that one. Not a lot of it sunk in other than agree to whatever is said and don't rock any boats. I don't want to just stay long enough to get fired for severance pay or redundancy. I had ambitions beyond that. I want to get to the top any way I can.
The personal officer looked over my application form. I could fill in such things in my sleep now although I copied from previous forms in case I made any spelling mistakes.
'We share the same alma mater,' he tells me.
'The same what?'
'University, dude,' he says with a grin. 'You're one of us. Only the real ones call it that. Spotted your frat-ring. You'll fit in nicely here. Can you start today?'
It was my turn to grin now as I shook his hand. 'Yeah! Great! Thanks.'
'We're taking over, dude,' he confided in me. 'We just gotta retire the last few people who have real degrees and we'll have total control of the company.'
'What do we do here exactly?'
'Dunno really. I think its something to do with nuclear power. Nothing that can end the world when you press the red button.'
End
GF Willmetts
(c) October 2007 - all rights reserved
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